I was browsing Slashdot today and found an article on how a spokesman for China’s foreign ministry has said that China, being the “developing nation” that it is, lacks the sophistication to hack foreign systems.  This in response to recent statements from a couple of US Congressmen regarding Chinese probes of congressional systems for information about communication between US officials and Chinese activists.  Upon seeing this, I was instantly reminded of the infamous South Park “Small Penis” defense used by the Japanese in the “Chinpokomon” episode.  In case you haven’t seen this episode (for shame!), let me explain.  The Japanese use Chinpokomon toys to “train” American kids to be Japanese fighters.  When people in South Park start getting the idea that something may be up, the Chinpokomon executive tells the men of the town that they all have very large penises to distract them.  In the episode, President Clinton even addresses the American people by saying:

My fellow Americans, I wish to address the concerns many of us have over the growing number of Japanese military bases forming in the United States. The new Japanese emperor, Hirohito, has made our own children into fighter pilots who will soon fly to Hawaii and attack Pearl Harbor. I spoke with Mr. Hirohito this morning, and he assured me that I have a very large penis. He said it was mammoth, dinosauric, and absolutely dwarfed his penis, which, he assured me, was nearly microscopic in size. My penis, he said, was most likely one of the biggest on the planet. I applaud Mr. Hirohito in his honesty. Thank you.

Does China really think that we’re going to fall for this “developing nation” crap?  They might as well say this (quote from South Park) instead:

We cannot achieve so much with such small penis, but you American wow, penis so big, so big penis!

In all seriousness, you’re either very dumb or very naive if you believe that the Chinese government is not sponsoring hacking activities.  The same goes for the US, Russia, England, and just about every other country out there with an internet connection.  China just needs to man up and say “Yeah, we’re hacking you and it’s easy as pie.  What are you gonna do about it?”  It may not be the politically correct thing to do, but at least it doesn’t make me want to laugh out loud when I read it.  Maybe it’d be the wake up call that America needs to stop thinking about security and start actually being proactive about it.